Disappointments...

Found these blogs in my “orphaned” Multiply sites…they seem fitting with what I am feeling these days so here goes….
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Today, October 28, 2008, at exactly 11:54 AM Vienna time, I received a really disappointing news. Something that created havoc in all the plans I mapped out for the next two weeks.

Let's hear what the experts say about DISAPPOINTMENTS..

"Oft expectations fails and most oft there where most it promises, and oft it hits where hope and is coldest and despair most fits." - William Shakespeare

"There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better; we find comfort somewhere..." - Jane Austin

but there is one, I think I most subscribe to...

"SHIT HAPPENS!" - Forrest Gump

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 Dealing with disappointments.....

At 9:45 AM today, October 31, 2008, Manila time, I would have been braving the traffic of Nagtahan going home to our humble abode in Vicente Cruz. I would have been fighting jet lag but not too tired, nonetheless, to give the love of my life the kisses and hugs (and more..), oh, we two so deserved. I would have been jostling the throngs of people to haggle for flowers in the busy street of Dimasalang. I would have been feasting on Jollibee Chickenjoy with gravy brimming over...

Instead, I am in front of this inanimate thing called com-pyu-ter composing this ridiculous blog about dealing with disappointments...


But they say we have to be our bestest selves when things did not turn out as we had hoped for...


So, I am going to VENICE instead...

St Mark's Basilica, St. Mark's Square, Venice

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Dealing with disappointments part 2....

More than 3 years since, while having the time of my life in DC, I received a really disappointing news. A project which I have “nurtured” and seen through since 2009 got rejected by the funding agency because of “lack of concrete co-financing and weak baseline project that incremental cost cannot be determined”. You see in our “business” , we live and breathe co-financing and incremental costs.

So, completely reminiscent of my 2008 way of dealing with disappointments, with my bestest self revivified….

I went to New York!!!

docking at staten island...

 

Date night: Segafredo

Segafredo Carmelita

Coffee on a cold winter night...

the Mr.

 .....with the one who makes everything right! 

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There are only two kinds of conversation needed for a good marriage…
coffee talk, and pillow talk.
They should both be warm, and sweet.

Featured Book: The Sixth Man

...if you like conspiracy theories, high level suspense, espionage, mind boggling twists - this book is for you!
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The only thing potentially worse than not being able to see the forest for the trees is not being able to see the trees because of the forest. - anonymous

The Sixth Man is my first David Baldacci and I am definitely enthralled! It featured all the elements of one fine read - the conspiracy, backstabbing, hunger for power, entrenched in the relentless pursuit for national security, conflicting against the absolute limits of the human mind.

As the book description goes - THE SIXTH MAN Edgar Roy-an alleged serial killer held in a secure, fortress-like Federal Supermax facility-is awaiting trial. He faces almost certain conviction. Sean King and Michelle Maxwell are called in by Roy's attorney, Sean's old friend and mentor Ted Bergin, to help work the case. But their investigation is derailed before it begins-en route to their first meeting with Bergin, Sean and Michelle find him murdered. It is now up to them to ask the questions no one seems to want answered: Is Roy a killer? Who murdered Bergin? With help from some surprising allies, they continue to pursue the case. But the more they dig into Roy's past, the more they encounter obstacles, half-truths, dead-ends, false friends, and escalating threats from every direction. Their persistence puts them on a collision course with the highest levels of the government and the darkest corners of power. In a terrifying confrontation that will push Sean and Michelle to their limits, the duo may be permanently parted.

What I like about the story is that I truly learned a lot of new things. Edgar Roy possesses an EIDETIC memory which is sometimes referred to as having a  photographic memory. However, I learned that there is a difference between these two terms - while a person having a photographic memory can recall mostly visuals, those with eidetic memory  also recall the sensory information.

The book also contain some riveting facts about weapons, firearms and ballistics. I did not know that the standard issued gun for FBI agents is either a Gloc or a Sig. 'Google-ing' the difference, I was offered some technical descriptions that are far beyond my comprehension. There's also Parabellum which was derived from the Latin saying "If you wish for peace, prepare for war". What an apt name for a gun!  Beretta was also mentioned but for me, a gun is a gun is a gun.

I was also struck by another analogy in the novel of the character James Harkes' (used to be the watchdog of Peter Bunting, the creator of  the intelligence system, and provides one of the twists in the story) return to his true master like Cerberus to Hades. Cerberus, in Greek and Roman mythology,  is a multi-headed hound that guards the Underworld and Hades is the god of the Underworld. I was so fascinated by the parallelism used by the author!

There's so much more to share - like why was it called an E-program! E stands for Ecclesiastes  - yap, that book in the Bible. The 'why' I leave to your interpretation and probably give you an opportunity to discover by reading the book and share my fascination.

The book has kept me on the edge of my seat (well, of my bed, really). I am now really excited to have Baldacci sharing my nights...errr, reading his work. :)

From the past: The Art of Skiing

This is probably one of the "easy flowing" essays I wrote. It was written in January 2006 - my very first attempt at skiing. It's a long read but I guarantee a pleasurable reading experience....

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Skiing in Hokkaido with fellow UNESCO scholar Nara from Mongolia

“It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It's because we dare not venture that they are difficult.” - Seneca

I skied in Hokkaido last week.

For those who know me, this is a remarkable feat. For one, not one of the 206 bones in my body is a ‘sporty’ bone. In fact, I almost hate all physical activities. I said almost because there’s one really physical activity I look forward to.  ;  )

Ok..ok..back to skiing…

Our visit to Hokkaido was actually for a study tour under the UNESCO programme. We learned about, of all things, bio-toilets.  Biotoilets are composting facilities where they use your poo and pee as fertilizers to your veggies.  Part of this so-called academic tour was a skiing activity. It’s optional, of course, as it’s a bit expensive (cost is about 6,000 yen).  I was the first to sign up and everybody looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. I gave them my counter-looks which boldly gave them the message that I was dead serious.

Yes, yes…I realize the dangers, the hazards, the perils I was putting myself into. But when and where shall I have that opportunity again? So while others were still mulling over whether to go or not, talking about breaking bones and never walking again, I was already comfortably seated on the bus to Santa Ski Park.

My skiing saga was not without obstacle – in fact, it was all obstacles. First, the ski shoes. While everyone was already properly shoed, I was still trying my eight pair to see if they fit. You see, my calves were just too big to fit a size 25 shoe (my size). So I tried on pair after pair after pair. Finally, the exasperated attendant gave me a size 28 and walked away. This violated the first rule of skiing – wear properly fitted shoes.  Next, the ski wear. The same attendant gave me a size L ski pants. Trying it on, it did not fit (of course!). Back to the counter with the sweetest smile and enough guts I can muster, I asked for bigger- sized pants. Now, the attendant, giving me that hey-why-don’t-you-just give-up-skiing-is-not-for-you-look and babbling unintelligible Japanese, gave me an LL. Back to the fitting room and this time, I can zip the pants but I could not secure the button.  If  you were in my ill-fitting shoes would you go back to the counter? So, there I was in my size 28 shoes and unbuttoned ski pants, trying to walk to the skiing ground. Ski shoes are heavy - no, VERY heavy.

The ski park has several slopes – practice, beginner, mid and pro. We were grouped in 3s and had 1 instructor (actually, very handsome students from Hokkaido University) for each group. We were first taught how to climb the slopes with skis on. Climbing itself was a big effort – I kept on slipping. You know,  the law of physics on gravity and mass. After probably 30 minutes (5 minutes for others) and with my hopelessly patient, gorgeous instructor prodding me to go on, I reached the practice slope. Now, skiing basics – skis on inverted V-form, upper body upright, cut the ice to stop…blah..blaah..blaah. THEN I SKIED. The battle was between the slope and me. The slope won – hands down! I fell, tumbled and stumbled. IT WAS A MOST EXHILARATING EXPERIENCE! So the cycle continued – climb, ski and fall.

Enough practice, the instructors declared. Time for the real thing – the beginner’s slope. Others simply did not want to risk it. But I, true believer in the “no guts, no glory”, “no pain, no gain” cult, rode the lift to the top and seeing what I have to conquer, almost wetted my pants.  The slope was way too steep and seemed insurmountable. My ever-patient instructor urged me to give it a go  (in retrospect, I now think that he probably was enjoying all of it …). So, I went.  I went so fast (again, gravity and all), faltered halfway and fell down so hard I laughed. I laid there in the powdery snow of Hokkaido and realized what I accomplished.

Yes, I took so much risk there but it was well worth it.  I now have a better idea of what I can achieve if I will myself in doing it.  The experience I had is a life’s lesson in taking risks. I could have chosen to comfortably laze around in my warm bed and feel safe instead I stuck my neck out and achieved something. I have pains and bruises all over my body as trophies. : )

By the way, I was midway the slope when I tumbled, so I still need to ski halfway down.  Well, I maybe a risk-taker but I also have common sense. I walked.

Sunday Reflections: Epiphany

I listened to the TV mass today. It was celebrated by Fr. Jerry Orbos, one priest whose homilies always bestow spiritual nourishment.

Fr. Orbos’ homily this Sunday focused, naturally, on the Feast of Epiphany – the visit of the three wise men to the infant Jesus bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.  It was not the visit per se that we are celebrating but the epiphany of the Magi that the infant Jesus is the Son of God. 

Epiphany, by definition, is the sudden realization or comprehension of the(larger) meaning or essence of something.  Historically, it was used to convey realization through the intervention of the divine. In today’s usage, epiphany simply means an “aha” moment.

Epiphany moments are universal but they maybe so dramatic that they may lead to a 360 deg change in how we view things and life, in general.   They may also be (sometimes surprising)  results of a long, agonizing process .  Sometimes, too, for us to achieve our epiphany, we need to seclude ourselves from what is real and tangible and escape to a  world that  imposes  personal reflections .  Away from the noise and the clutter, we transcend the physical realm of perceptions and  attain comprehension and complete realization.

I guess, my epiphany  came in 1997 when I had an inner struggle on whether to marry the person I was with then.  We had been together for 7 years and of course,  we were incessantly prodded by family and friends to take the plunge. The only thing is that I felt I was not ready for a life-long commitment of  “till death do us part.”  Another reason was that, another person came into the scene. An old friend who probably now defines most of the what ifs in my life. In short, I was torn between the person I was with who saw the best and worst in me through all those 7 years and this new (well, not entirely) person who, in the past, has also “lost” me to somebody else.

I’ve probably never prayed harder for discernment than during those times. It’s a lifetime we’re talking about here. 

Then, one night,  while browsing through some old notes, I came across an old HS project – a reflection notebook. There, written in bold script is a young wish …” I would like to marry a man like my father”…

As they say, the rest is history.

So, what was your greatest epiphany?

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Passing thoughts…

Fr. Orbos said that like every year of our life, 2012 is another journey. For us to succeed in this journey, we only need three things:  a PRAYER in our pocket, a SMILE in our face and LOVE in our heart.

I write...

This was written back in February 2006 while I was in Japan and is being shared to basically fathom why I write..
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It’s been a while since I’ve last written anything of substance… and I am not about to start now…he..he..he..

You know, back in high school, I thought I would make a great writer – a Palanca awardee. Yes, right, THAT sort of writer. Obviously, I did not become one – a great writer, I mean.  I DO write about anything and everything, though,  which I guess, make me a writer.

I write about everyday mundane things -the breaking of dawn bringing a new day, new hope, the setting of the sun sharing its calm and tranquility to our otherwise harried lives,   the coming of rain refreshing the soul.  I write about taking a jeepney ride and rejoice in the knowledge that in life you chose your directions. I write about household chores,  about brushing my teeth, watching tv….

I write about people – about families and the ties that bind them, about life partners and the serendipity involved in meeting them. I write about children and the innocence of their questions.  I write about teachers and the nobility of their profession. I write  about manong magbobote,  my nosy neighbor, my feisty nephew…

I write about emotions – about love conquering all, about unbridled passion, about mastering fear. I write about beautiful sadness, about brimming joy. I celebrate pain and happiness in my writings.

I write about  events -  of  the birth of a baby, the metamorphosis of a sweet child into a young lady, of walking the aisle in pure bliss, about aging gracefully and welcoming the bittersweet call of the end. Yes, I write about LIFE but have never fully grasped the mysteries of it.

I write about places - the charm of Europe, the grandiose of Britain,  the mystery of Asia. But most of all, I write about HOME.

I write about science and engineering – of photocatalysis , advanced oxidation and reaction kinetics – because these I write to put butter in my bread.

I write about topics all writers seem to write about.  Thus, I expound on taking risks and paid my respects to the turtle who can only make progress by sticking its head out. I write about success and appreciated the vast and differing insights on it. I write about politics and realized how boring it really is.

I write about how I rejoice in my writings.  No matter how profound or meaningless they are.  I bask in the quietude of the moment when I write.  I pour my thoughts out and what come out mirrors my soul. I feel alive when I write.

Then came text and e-mails.... and I fear for writing.